Healing From Sexual Abuse | home
About Me
My parents divorced when I was about two, my Mom met a man and started dating. He seemed nice enough, I was so little I just wanted a Daddy. Life went on seemed real good, he was very strict, I wasn't able to do a whole lot of things other kids did. At about age twelve he started sexually abusing me. I lived such a sheltered life I believed him and thought this was normal. I soon found out other girls Dad didn't do this but then FEAR had taken over my life. He told me that if I told my Mom she would have a nervuos breakdown and I would never see her again and besides I thought she loved him enough not to believe me. I started using speed when I was thirteen, smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. I stole cigarettes whenever I could. I got really bad grades in school, flunked two grades. Since I thought I was only good for one thing the male attention I was receiving at school really became my life, I lived for it. Guys made me feel like I was important and pretty. He was abusing me on a regular basis and it's all I knew, it had become my life. I now had stomach ulcers and couldn't hold down anything but baby food. Finally made it to high school ,man a whole other world was opened up to me. The drugs were more plentiful now than ever. I started smoking pot and doing whatever else I could get my hands on. I wasn't allowed to date, so I basically led two lives. School life was fun loving, joking and flirting with guys, home life was work and do what your told. At age sixteen my step-dad found out I was using drugs and messing with guys and made me quit school, first he beat me with a belt from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I had never felt such physical pain before, my back bled from the open wounds the belt made. I had to sleep on my stomache for days. Now my ties to the outside world were gone, no more friends at school, only him now. He liked having total control and having me depend on him. He told me I could never make it, the world was such a bad place. I believed him!
One day as quickly and suddenly as it started the abuse stopped. Never to be mentioned again.
At twenty -five I meet a young man, who was my first love at age thirteen, we start dating. We dated for three months and get married. He knew I never dated, so he assumed I was a virgin, I couldnt say different. We started partying, drinking and doing drugs. We fought when we would get drunk. The emotional and mental abuse was still going on. One night after going to a bar and getting drunk, I left with a man and had a one-night stand. I had hit rock bottom! I loved my husband so much, I couldn't stop thinking about what I had done, my conscience ate at me day and night. I had to tell him and leave. He was devistated, I hurt him so bad. I planned out my sucide, I couldn't live with what I had done to him. I don't know what stopped me, I guess the hurt he would feel again when he found my body. We decided to try to work this out and rebuild our relationship. We decided we had tried everything else so let's give God a try.
Both of us, within a day of each other ask Jesus to come in and save us. I had never felt such peace and joy. We started rebuilding our marriage. We decided to try to have a baby, but wasn't able. Society says that people who are abused will abuse their own children, so I thought God knew I'd be a bad mother so he wouldn't let me have any children. How wrong was that thinking! I started reading my bible and studying about faith. I started thanking God everyday for my baby and amonth went by and I found out I was pregnant. I had my baby, now there was a fear that my step-dad would continue the abuse on my children. It was decided for other reasons that we would break all ties with him but I was still scared of him. My baby was eight months old when I decided to tell my husband about my past, I was now thirty. He had alredy suspected something, it was alot easier than I thought and it didn't change the way he sees me. I think it made our relationship and our love stronger because now there is no secrets between us.
The healing process has taken about two years and with Gods help I am completely healed of any hate and anger towards my step-dad . God has laid on my heart to share my testimony with people who have been through similar experiences, the reason for this page.